Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't deserve a penis
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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