Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
