i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
