dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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