I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
