Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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