I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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