hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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