I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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