at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
