similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know her cup size but not her name....
do nipples grow back?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
