Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
