I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
