Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
