He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
