They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
