I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
