it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize