rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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