Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
