i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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