You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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