I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
