I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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