wakey wakey hands off snakey
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
