Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
