Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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