found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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