we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
