Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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