Your face is a jimmy john
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
