Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
