DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my shit smells like andre
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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