I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
