on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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