youre lurking in front of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
