i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
