Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
