Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
