Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize