smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
