I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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