When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
