the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
