just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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