im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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