I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
