I'm laying in your front yard are you home
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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