Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
