Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
