We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
