Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
