Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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