I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
