I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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