Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
