I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
