You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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