I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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