I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
