I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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