found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
