Your mouth is God's brothel.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
