very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
