nut hugger
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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