I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
