I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize