i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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