I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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