I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
