oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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