oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
