i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
