Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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