dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
