he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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