Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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