you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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