You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
