Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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