Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
