I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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