guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Even my vagina gasped.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
being pregnant is like rehab
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
