Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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