why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
