YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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