He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
