i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
