i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
