The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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