do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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