why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize