I hate your face
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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