You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
