It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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