I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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