dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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