Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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