just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
