It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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