He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She bit a glass in half.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize