I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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